


Kintsugi

by jalpari



Series: • Yizhan Diaries • [6]
Category: Actor RPF, Chinese Actor RPF, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV) RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, BJYX | Wang Yi Bo/Xiao Zhan is Real, Bottom Wang Yi Bo/Top Xiao Zhan, Bozhan, Emotional Hurt, Feels, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, Pining while fucking, Wangxiao - Freeform, Yizhan - Freeform, bjyx - Freeform, bjyxszd, zsww - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:27:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25315300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jalpari/pseuds/jalpari
Summary: Prompt:Xiao Zhan rejects Yibo. Then someone flirts with him. Cue possessive/jealous Xiao Zhan.Pining while fucking. And the morning after. And then some.Note to prompter: This fic started out as a pure possessive/jealous XZ smut piece but it turned into...this. Fair warning, it's a little more than the content/themes you asked for!All my other Yizhan stories -Yizhan diariesYizhan AUsMy Twitter -@jalpari_yizhan,@yizhanmood
Relationships: Wang Yi Bo & Xiao Zhan, Wang Yi Bo/Xiao Zhan
Series: • Yizhan Diaries • [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1611649
Comments: 64
Kudos: 495
Collections: BJYX Prompt Fest 2020





	Kintsugi

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [bjyx_fest](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjyx_fest) collection. 



> I find the philosophy of Kintsugi extremely touching and beautiful For those who don't know what that is -
> 
> The 400+ year old Japanese art of "kintsugi" is a pottery repair method that honors the artifact’s unique history by emphasizing, not hiding, the break. An art form born from "mottainai" — the feeling of regret when something is wasted — and “mushin,” the need to accept change: the cracks are seamed with lacquer resin and powdered gold, silver, or platinum. This method transforms the artifact into something new, making it more rare, beautiful, and storied than the original.

* * *

”Yibo…” Xiao Zhan took a step back. “This isn't the right time…”

”I know, I know,” Yibo took a step towards him, “I shouldn't have brought this up here at the Weibo awards…especially when we’ve been asked to behave a certain way, but…I had to…I just couldn't keep it in any longer!”

”Yibo…I…this can't happen…you know that…”

Yibo froze at the words. 

”But ge…we…why not? We…are so good…we have something special…and when we met last time at the Tencent awards…it was so good…I even stayed over that night…and we had such a good time…”

”We just spent time together as friends, Yibo…we didn't do anything that- ”

”I know we didn't…that’s not what I mean…I mean…every time we are together, it feels nice…and familiar…and like something more than just…friendship…don’t you feel it too?”

Xiao Zhan remained silent and looked away.

”Tell me, ge…”

”You know how insane this is, right?” Xiao Zhan looked at him finally. “You realize how badly this could affect your career, right?”

”That doesn’t answer my question,” Yibo took another step in his direction. “Do you feel it too? Do you feel something every time I’m around you too?”

”Yibo,” Xiao Zhan ran his hand through his own hair, “you don't understand what you’re saying…”

”I’m not a child, ge…I know exactly what I’m saying…I know exactly what I want.”

”Don’t be foolish, Yibo- “

”Be honest with me,” Yibo closed the distance between them and stood mere inches from Xiao Zhan. “Don't you feel anything?”

”No.” Xiao Zhan grit his teeth and stared Yibo down.

”Not even when I do this?” Yibo placed his hand on Xiao Zhan’s cheek.

Xiao Zhan gulped and stayed still, keeping a resolute poker face.

”No.”

”Not even if I do this?” He placed a kiss on Xiao Zhan’s mole.

Xiao Zhan froze but didn't pull away.

”No…and you should stop now before you embarrass yourself more. I don't feel the same way. Sorry, Yibo.”

Yibo’s eyes welled up but he kept going, stubborn and headstrong.

”You’re lying to me…” his hands held onto the lapels of Xiao Zhan’s suit as his nose nuzzled against Xiao Zhan’s neck. “I know you feel it too…”

”Yibo…stop,” Xiao Zhan held Yibo’s wrists as if he was going to pull them off himself.

”I won't stop…I’ll never stop,” Yibo whispered as he inhaled Xiao Zhan’s scent and unhooked his hands from Xiao Zhan’s grip.

He let his hands slide into Xiao Zhan’s jacket and wrapped his arms around him, pressing against Xiao Zhan’s lean body, feeling every muscle under the thin shirt. His lips hovered over Xiao Zhan’s neck as his hands kept roaming over Xiao Zhan’s entire body, eventually making their way further down.

”Yibo…” Xiao Zhan grabbed his wrists just as his fingers were about to slip inside his pants. “Stop.”

Yibo looked at him with pain. A tear slid down his cheek. He let Xiao Zhan hold his hands down, and instead, stretched his neck ahead to reach for Xiao Zhan with his lips.

”Zhan-ge…” Yibo pleaded. “Don’t do this…” he planted a kiss on the first inch of skin he could reach. “Please…I know you feel something too.”

Xiao Zhan leaned back and dodged Yibo’s lips and dusted him off himself.

”Wang Yibo,” he spoke in a stern, deep voice. “Enough is enough. I feel nothing for you.” He glared at the shaking man. “Stop before you destroy your career and your life. I’ll leave first.”

With those words, Xiao Zhan let out a huff and straightened his suit. In the next moment, with a few long strides and without another glance, Xiao Zhan left the bathroom and returned to the after party.

Yibo stood rooted to his spot. Seconds, maybe even minutes passed him by. His entire body had gone cold and numb. He eventually snapped out of his shock when he heard laughter outside the door as a group of people passed the bathroom.

He hurried to the sink and splashed some water on his face. When he looked at himself in the mirror, he felt something twist in his chest. He winced at the sharp pain and looked away from his swollen red eyes that had heartbreak written all over them. After taking a few deep breaths, he let out a long exhale and regained his composure.

 _Enough is enough._ His mind echoed Xiao Zhan’s words.

His lips trembled as he recollected how cold and distant Xiao Zhan had been. There had been no warmth in his eyes, no sympathy in his voice, no kindness in his touch. Yibo had known rejection was a possibility when he had followed Xiao Zhan to the bathroom, unable to contain himself any longer. But he had never thought that the rejection could turn them into strangers. The Xiao Zhan he knew would have let him down easily, nicely, kindly.

 _Maybe there really is nothing after all._ Yibo smiled bitterly. _I need a drink._

* * *

”Can I get you a drink?” 

Yibo looked the man up and down. He seemed to be older than him, like most of the people in the room. But not that much older. He was handsome enough but his smile didn't hold a candle to the smile that Yibo was longing to see.

 _No. Don't do that. There’s no use thinking about Zhan-ge any more. He doesn’t want you! He made that pretty clear._ Yibo chastised himself inwardly.

”Wang Yibo? Do you remember me?” The man chuckled. “I was in the choreography team for your New year performance.”

”Oh yes…of course!” Yibo exclaimed. “I’m sorry…my mind is just…a bit preoccupied.

”May I buy you a drink?”

”Uhh…sure…” Yibo nodded and walked with him to the bar.

They stood at the bar and the man kept the conversation going. Yibo nodded along as he scanned the room in between sips. A few seconds later, he spotted him. Xiao Zhan was standing at the other end of the room, seemingly engrossed in a conversation with someone. He frowned when he saw that he was talking to an extremely beautiful woman, who was laughing every now and then and touching Xiao Zhan’s arms.

”It was pretty amazing how you learnt that choreography in such little time!” A voice snapped Yibo out of his trance.

”Huh? Uhh…oh yeah…thanks.” Yibo managed a small smile.

”There’s a party after this…some of us are heading to a club. Wanna come with me?”

”Umm,” Yibo glanced at Xiao Zhan who was still standing with the woman, smiling as she inched closer whispering something into his ear.

_Fuck it._

”Yeah sure…”

”That’s awesome!” The man beamed. “It’s gonna be a lot of fun.”

”What?” Yibo asked when he couldn't hear him over the chatter of the crowd around them.

”I said,” the man leaned forward and closer to Yibo’s ear, “it’s gonna be a lot of fun! Do you…do you wanna get out of here now?”

Yibo looked in the direction of Xiao Zhan who was still completely oblivious to his presence. He downed his beer and then looked at the man beside him.

”Let’s get out of here.”

The man downed his drink as well and smiled wider. He led the way through the crowd and Yibo followed him quietly. His mind began spinning as he had finished his drink too quickly. Although he was usually good with his liquor tolerance, his already aching heart made it easy for him to succumb to the alcohol.

”It’s just a short walk from here,” the man said when they got outside.

”Mn,” Yibo nodded and began walking alongside him. “So who’s gonna be there? Other people from our choreography team?”

”I guess so…it’s where we usually hang out…so some of them will show up eventually.”

”Oh, I thought you said it’s a party?”

”Well…we…” he gestured between the two of them, “are celebrating you getting all those awards!” The man grinned.

Something in Yibo hesitated and he wanted to turn around and leave. He didn't want to celebrate. He didn't even know why he agreed to go to the club. All he knew was he wanted to be far far far away from the Weibo after-party where Xiao Zhan had stood for over half an hour, not even sparing him a glance, all his attention focused on a beautiful woman.

”Everything okay?” The man snapped him out of his thoughts after a few minutes of walking in silence.

Yibo looked at him, unsure how to respond. The man held his gaze and smiled kindly. Yibo noticed the way his eyes travelled from Yibo’s eyes, down his face and to his lips. He gulped as it lingered on his now dry lips and he did his best to not dart his tongue out to lick them out nervousness.

”Yeah…I was just…” Yibo shook his head and his sentence trailed off.

He noticed a car slowing down beside them but before he could pay it any more attention, he felt an arm loop with his and gave him a pull.

”Here it is!” His companion exclaimed. “Let’s go inside!”

Yibo threw a glance over his shoulder at the car that had now stopped by the curb but lost sight of it as they turned into a hallway and suddenly everything was dark filled with neon sparks and flashing lights. He whipped his head around and gasped when he saw the club they were now in. 

* * *

The music, though loud, had a certain quality to it. A certain thrum that reverberated through his body and immediately made him feel as though he was blending in with the music, the atmosphere, the ambience. Like they now existed in a bubble, separate and far away from everything outside it.

The man, whose name Yibo couldn't remember for the life of him, was leading him further into the establishment. There was a crowd already swarming the place. They grabbed the corner at one end of the bar where only one stool was left empty.

”Sit.” The man shoved Yibo on the stool with a grin and then leaned across and over him and called out to the bartender who he seemed familiar with.

”Hey, Hosi! Two shots here!!”

He turned back to face Yibo and rested his elbow on the bar counter. 

”So…where are your friends?” Yibo raised his voice over the music as he looked around.

”What?” The man called out louder in response and leaned his ear closer to Yibo’s face.

Instinctively, Yibo leaned away a little and gulped.

”I said,” Yibo yelled louder, “where are your friends?”

”They should be here soon…ahh!” He eyed the shots that had just been deposited beside them. “This is more like it!” He handed Yibo one and picked the other one himself. “Cheers to your wins!”

”Uhh…thanks,” Yibo muttered and eyed the drink with some hesitation.

”Come on,” the man clinked their glasses together. “Drink up!” He nudged him playfully.

Yibo looked around and then at the man. His mind automatically conjured images of Xiao Zhan laughing and chatting merrily with the woman and the next thing he knew, he had raised the shot glass to his lips and shut his eyes. He tilted his head up and gulped down the tasteless liquid, bracing himself for the burn.

”Let’s dance!!” The man laughed loudly when Yibo winced and hissed after his shot. “This song is my jam!”

Before Yibo could reply, the man had his hand around his wrist and dragged him towards the crowded dance floor. He turned around and walked into the crowd backwards, smiling at Yibo, tugging him along. In a few more steps, Yibo was swallowed whole by the mob as well. 

The entire dance floor felt like it was moving, vibrating, thumping, bouncing. As the bodies swayed and twirled and popped and rolled, the music seemed to come to life all around him. The lights dazzled and danced along with them, creating a buzz all around him. As Yibo felt the mood take over him, the hand that was on his wrist pulled at him once more.

He turned towards his companion and realized they were face to face, rocking to the beat, almost in sync. The man’s hand moved from his wrists to his elbows to his sides and then around his waist. The beats swarmed and swirled all around him, inching higher and higher as the man’s arms snaked around him tighter and tighter.

As the beat was about to drop, Yibo felt a light spray of water and looked up just as mist began to drop down on them from above. The entire dance floor turned foggy and then the beat dropped. And with it, so did the lights. Yibo froze.

He flinched away from the man and then grew paralyzed by the ever growing darkness that enveloped him, punched only occasionally by a flash of light from the DJ’s console. Coupled with the heavy blanket of mist all around him, Yibo found himself petrified and immobilized. He shut his eyes as the music grew louder and crescendoed. His mind raced and only one name buzzed through it, louder than the music.

_Zhan-ge._

Almost immediately, Yibo felt a pair of arms around him and a familiar scent enveloped him. Yibo clung to the only thing that was now anchoring him in the foggy darkness and let it manhandle him. With one arm around his waist and another one caressing his face and neck, he was guided away from the dance floor.

Yibo gripped onto the arms and dug his fingers in them as they weaved their way through the dancing shadows and the blinding mist. When they emerged from the crowd, Yibo let out a long breath as if choking for air and immediately turned to see the person beside him.

”Zhan-ge?!” Yibo’s eyes widened.

Xiao Zhan did not look at him. He looked ahead, instead, and pushed and shoved until they were at the exit. It was as if they had come out of a bubble. The fresh night air, the muffled music now in the distance, the warm street light, everything snapped Yibo out of his daze.

”Get in,” he ordered when they paused in front of a car.

Yibo noticed the same car that had caught his eye as he had entered the club and blinked in realization.

”This car…you…you followed me?”

”I said,” Xiao Zhan grit his teeth, “get in.”

Just then, the club entrance swung open and the music surged around them once more as a man rushed out.

”There you are, Yibo!” His companion for the night called out but stopped abruptly. “Oh…Xiao…Xiao Zhan?” He blinked in disbelief. 

Xiao Zhan adjusted his cuffs and bowed to the man.

”Hello,” he bowed and then turned to Yibo. ”Wang Yibo,” he spoke in a controlled, deep voice. “Get in the car. I’ll drop you home.”

”Actually, he came here with me for the party,” the other man replied instead and put his arm around Yibo’s waist.

”Actually,” Xiao Zhan took a step closer and locked eyes with the man. “Wang Yibo was just going to come with me.”

”Zhan-ge…I…”

”Get in,” Xiao Zhan spoke calmly yet firmly.

Yibo nodded and entered the car immediately, after a perfunctory bow to the man beside him. Xiao Zhan bowed slowly to the confused man and proceeded to follow Yibo inside the car, shutting the door hard. They rode the rest of the ride in silence and only later did Yibo realize that they were nowhere close to his home. When the car stopped outside Xiao Zhan’s building, Yibo hesitated for a moment.

”Get out,” Xiao Zhan ordered.

Yibo shuffled out hurriedly and waited. When Xiao Zhan signalled to the driver to leave, Yibo looked around in confusion but said nothing. Xiao Zhan walked into the building without another word and soon Yibo had no option but to follow.

* * *

They rode the elevator in silence and not once did Xiao Zhan look his way. Nothing made sense to Yibo. They stepped out of the elevator together, Yibo half a step behind Xiao Zhan. He followed him in silence. This was his first time at Xiao Zhan’s home and when they entered inside the apartment, it was everything Yibo had imagined it would be - warm, cozy, and inviting like Xiao Zhan who, on the other hand, was none of those things at the moment.

Yibo closed the door behind him and stood still. He bit his lips and waited. Xiao Zhan, who was a few steps into the apartment now, paused and turned around slowly. Neither spoke as their eyes met and they stood glued to their spots.

”Zhan-ge-” Yibo began, his hands fidgeting with each other behind his back.

”What were you planning on doing?” Xiao Zhan spoke all of a sudden.

”Huh?” Yibo blinked.

”How far were you planning on taking it with him to get my attention?” Xiao Zhan grit his teeth and took a step towards Yibo.

”To what?” Yibo’s eyes widened. “I didn't…”

”So you weren’t trying to make me jealous?” Xiao Zhan’s eyes flared up as he kept walking towards Yibo. “You weren’t trying to get back at me for what I said earlier?”

Xiao Zhan inched closer to Yibo, anger and displeasure evident on his face. Yibo’s breathing became heavy as he unknowingly took a step back only to be hindered by the door.

”No…I…I wasn't trying to…” Yibo stuttered, unnerved by Xiao Zhan’s fierce gaze.

”Then what were you doing with that guy?!” Xiao Zhan demanded and slammed his hand on the door beside Yibo’s shoulder.

”Ge!” Yibo exclaimed as he flinched and shrivelled up against the door. “I didn't…I was just…why the fuck does it even matter to you!??!” He spat out finally. “You rejected me.” 

Both stared at each other in furious silence. Xiao Zhan clenched his hand that was on the door into a fist and frowned deeper. Yibo returned his stare defiantly even as his lips trembled and his eyes shone bright with unshed tears. 

”You don't get it.” Xiao Zhan whispered finally and let out the breath he had been holding.

He pulled back and walked away from Yibo, disappearing into the apartment, leaving behind a dazed and shaking Yibo. As the seconds passed him by, Yibo felt a whirlwind of emotions build inside him. Confusion, anger, bitterness, hurt, hope, irritation, and so much more. He straightened himself and steadied his wobbly legs and followed Xiao Zhan inside.

He paused when he entered the living area and saw Xiao Zhan pouring himself a drink and downing it in one swig.

”What don't I get?” Yibo asked as he approached Xiao Zhan cautiously. 

Xiao Zhan shook his head as he let out a breathy and bitter chuckle.

”What don't I get, Zhan-ge?” Yibo pinched Xiao Zhan’s sleeve at his elbow and tugged.

”Forget it, Yibo”, Xiao Zhan sighed and filled himself another shot. “I’ll call my driver…he’ll drop you home.”

”Tell me…” Yibo whispered and clung to Xiao Zhan’s back just as he downed the glass a second time, “please, ge.”

Xiao Zhan froze and looked over his shoulder as Yibo hugged him desperately. Suddenly, Yibo’s phone pinged. He took a step back and opened his phone screen.

”Who is it?” Xiao Zhan turned around and asked when he saw the surprise on Yibo’s face.

”It’s…umm…it’s that guy…”

”You gave him your number?” Xiao Zhan raised an eyebrow and frowned.

”He’s a choreographer I’ve worked with before…he probably already had my number,” Yibo mumbled.

”What’s he saying?” Xiao Zhan asked, his face now impassive.

”He…uhh…wants to know if I…he’s asking me if…I want to hang out later.”

”Say no.”

”What?” Yibo looked up at Xiao Zhan. “Why?”

”Do you want to meet him later?”

Yibo remained silent.

”Tell him you can't meet him. Tell him you’re with me.” Xiao Zhan ordered.

”But I’m not with you. You made that very clear.” Yibo replied sullenly.

”I. Don't. Care.” Xiao Zhan put his glass aside and stepped closer to Yibo until they were merely inches apart, “You’re not going to meet him.” He grabbed the back of Yibo’s hair and tilted his face up just the slightest towards him. “Understand?”

”No. I don't understand.” Yibo gulped and searched Xiao Zhan’s eyes. 

After an endless moment of silence that seemed to stretch forever between them, Xiao Zhan let out a soft sigh.

”I can't give you everything you want, Yibo.” Xiao Zhan’s lips hovered over Yibo’s.

”You can. Only you can, ge,” Yibo quivered.

”But I’ll be damned if I let you run off with him,” Xiao Zhan grit his teeth and rasped, “or anyone else.”

”Ge…” Yibo gazed at him longingly, aching for even the tiniest drop of anything that Xiao Zhan was willing to give him.

”I can’t,” Xiao Zhan whispered as his other hand grazed Yibo’s cheek lightly.

”I know you feel something too…”

”I do…but I can't let anything happen,” he breathed against Yibo’s lips, not backing away.

Yibo closed his eyes as Xiao Zhan’s fingers trailed down his cheek. But before they could reach his lips, the warm breaths on his lips vanished and he was pushed away.

”Why not?” Yibo asked, lost.

”Go home, Yibo,” Xiao Zhan picked up his phone. “I’m calling my car up front.”

Yibo stepped towards Xiao Zhan and grabbed the phone from his hand and threw it aside.

”Yibo! What the fuck!” Xiao Zhan exclaimed and gripped Yibo by the elbow.

”I’m not leaving here until we clear things up!” Yibo stated emphatically.

Xiao Zhan scowled and pushed him up against the wall.

”There is nothing to clear.”

”Then say I can go to that party from here…to that guy.”

Xiao Zhan’s scowl deepened. Yibo’s hands slid up his arms and grabbed at his suit, pulling him closer slowly. Xiao Zhan grabbed his hands and yanked them off him, pinning them against the wall by his wrists.

”You are not going to meet him,” Xiao Zhan growled.

”So you don't want me but no one else can have me? Is that the deal?” Yibo clenched his teeth.

”Who said I didn't want you? But I can't give you everything you want.” Xiao Zhan tightened his hold on Yibo’s wrists. “I live in the real world. And in the real world…this…” he eyed the ever decreasing space between them, “is not possible.” 

”Anything is possible.” Yibo challenged Xiao Zhan.

”A quick fuck…that’s possible,” Xiao Zhan hissed. “But not what you want. That’s not what your eyes are dreaming of…I know you, Wang Yibo…don’t think I don’t see you…I know exactly what you want. And I can’t give it to you.”

Yibo’s heart stopped at his words. He was filled half with excitement and half with disappointment. 

”I’ll take anything you give me.”

”You won't be happy. It won't be enough.”

”I’ll find a way to be happy. As long as you’re in my life…I don't care how-”

”Do you think you’ll be happy if you can have me for tonight and then never again?” Xiao Zhan snapped. 

”Do you think _you_ can be happy then?” Yibo replied quietly and gazed into Xiao Zhan’s eyes sincerely.

”This can't happen,” Xiao Zhan sighed and stepped back.

”Then you can’t stop me from doing this…” Yibo announced flatly and dialled a number. “Hello…hi…yeah…I can come-”

Before Yibo could finish his sentence, his phone had been snatched from him and the call cancelled. Xiao Zhan dumped the phone on the table angrily and came at Yibo, eyes filled with fury and rage.

”You can’t-mmpff-” Yibo began but was silenced in the blink of an eye as a pair of lips crashed against his.

Yibo fell back, hitting the wall, and winced in a mix of pain and pleasure as he was devoured. Xiao Zhan groaned and enveloped Yibo’s lips harsher with every passing second. His hands rushed to yank Yibo’s jacket off and Yibo returned the favour. 

”Is this what you fucking want?” Xiao Zhan growled as he bit Yibo’s lower lip and tugged at it mercilessly. “Is this enough?” He dug his fingers into Yibo’s hair and pulled as he dove inside Yibo’s mouth ruthlessly tasting every inch of him.

”Not…enough,” Yibo breathed heavily as Xiao Zhan punctuated his words with more rough kisses.

”Do you think this will make it easier for us tomorrow when we have to go our separate ways?” Xiao Zhan grunted as he sucked his way down Yibo’s neck and unbuckled his belt.

”We don't have to part ways tomorrow,” Yibo groaned as Xiao Zhan bruised his neck and fumbled with his belt in return.

Xiao Zhan wrapped his arms around Yibo’s waist and toed out of his shoes once their belts were off. Yibo followed his lead and shook off his shoes as well as they kept kissing sloppily. Xiao Zhan walked him backwards into the bedroom as he plastered their bodies together every few feet against the table, the wall, the chair, the shelf.

”We don't have a future, Yibo,” Xiao Zhan panted as he groped Yibo’s ass and kept grinding him against any surface he could find along the way to the bed. 

”We can have any future we want, ge,” Yibo whispered and moaned as they mouthed at each other.

Xiao Zhan grunted in exasperation and slammed him against the wall, wrapping his hand around his cheeks, pinching them tightly.

”This is all I can give you…this is all we can have…just this…just this one time…” Xiao Zhan glared at him and then pressed a kiss into his lips.

”And then you’re okay with moving on? If I…move on…with someone else?” Yibo held Xiao Zhan’s hand in place when he tried to pull back. 

Xiao Zhan’s jaw clenched and he yanked Yibo’s turtleneck off angrily. As soon as Yibo’s pale body was exposed, his teeth latched onto the first patch of skin he could find and sunk in, eliciting a loud moan from Yibo. Xiao Zhan licked and bit his way all around his chest, lapping at the nipples, sucking at the porcelain skin, biting down on the soft flesh. He shook at every sensation and fumbled with Xiao Zhan’s shirt buttons as a trail of red and purple emerged on his body.

”Aahh,” Yibo moaned as Xiao Zhan wrapped his arms around his hips and hauled him up.

Yibo wrapped his legs around Xiao Zhan and yanked his shirt off his shoulder and began kissing the honey colored skin desperately. He planted kisses from his shoulders to his jawline as Xiao Zhan walked to the bed. He deposited Yibo down and climbed on top of him on all fours, caging Yibo between his hands and legs.

They stared at each other breathlessly, Yibo’s bare exposed torso damp with perspiration and Xiao Zhan’s kisses. His eyes slid down Xiao Zhan’s face to his partially exposed chest. He glanced back up and gazed into Xiao Zhan’s eyes once more as his fingers undid the remaining buttons of Xiao Zhan’s shirt.

”Yibo…” Xiao Zhan’s voice was a mix of desire and frustration. “My mind won't change tomorrow morning.”

”I’m willing to take that risk,” Yibo’s eyes shone with unshed tears that were burning him on the inside as he ran his hands over Xiao Zhan’s warm chest, pushing the shirt off. 

”You’ll only get more hurt.” Xiao Zhan whispered as he let Yibo take his shirt off.

”You would never hurt me,” Yibo pulled Xiao Zhan closer by his neck and replied softly.

”I’m not as good as you think…I’m not as strong as you think,” Xiao Zhan resisted a little and dug his hands into the bed to stop himself from being pulled any closer.

”You’re good…you’re strong…you’re-”

Xiao Zhan couldn't take it any more. He couldn' bear to hear what Yibo thought of him any more. He couldn't bear to hear himself being praised with words that he knew he wouldn't be able to live up to.

They kissed long and deep, hungry for each other. Xiao Zhan felt the back of his eyes burn as he struggled with his inner conflict. He touched Yibo everywhere, wanting to selfishly savour and remember every part of him, every curve, every dip, every edge, every line. He wanted to absorb it all so he could carry it with him for the rest of his life.

Yibo caressed every inch of Xiao Zhan. He hung onto him as if his life depended on it, as if he would vanish if he let go. He let himself drown in his touches, his scent, his taste, his warmth. He poured all his emotions into the kisses, hoping it would be enough to make Xiao Zhan stay when morning came. 

As their lips tangled, Xiao Zhan found himself craving more. He rolled his hips against Yibo and felt his entire body catch fire when Yibo let out a long, sensual, helpless moan. He rolled against him again and again, grinding harder each time, wanting to hear Yibo, already addicted to the erotic sound.

After several seconds, he let out an impatient grunt and sat up. He looked at Yibo and felt his heart race even faster at the sight that lay below him. Yibo’s hair was messy, his lips were red and swollen, his neck ravaged, his chest heaving, his entire body shiny with sweat. Xiao Zhan ran a hand down his face and groaned, throwing his head back.

”What is it, ge?” Yibo raised himself up a little on his elbow.

Xiao Zhan raked his eyes down Yibo’s body and before he could control his thoughts or hands, reached out and unzipped Yibo’s pants. He got off the bed and tugged them off and then proceeded to take his own pants off. 

”Take it off,” Xiao Zhan ordered as he took his own underwear and socks off until he was stark naked.

Yibo sat up on his knees slowly and got rid of the last shred of his clothing and waited. Xiao Zhan walked back to the edge of the bed and cupped the back of Yibo’s neck.

”This doesn’t mean what you need it to mean,” Xiao Zhan whispered as he tilted Yibo’s head up to face him.

”This means more than what you think it means…” Yibo whispered back and smiled.

And then Yibo’s hand was on him. Xiao Zhan gasped into his mouth as Yibo touched him, ran his fingers up and down his erection, caressed his entire length, and then gripped it firmly. Xiao Zhan got back on the bed, sliding Yibo onto his back again. He cursed as Yibo began moving his hand on him slowly but surely. He gripped Yibo’s ass and kneaded against him.

Both men groaned, helpless and aroused. Xiao Zhan’s lips landed on Yibo’s once more and they sighed into the kiss as their hands worked each other. Xiao Zhan ran his hands down Yibo’s thighs and folded his legs at the knee, bringing them up to his chest.

He kissed his way down Yibo’s chest, all the way to his erection. He licked the length a few times causing Yibo to writhe beneath him but he quickly made his way further down, cupping his balls with his mouth along the way.

”Aahh, Zhan-ge!” Yibo exclaimed as a sudden warm wetness enclosed his rim.

Xiao Zhan paused and looked up at Yibo who was now breathing heavily and flushed all the way from his face to his chest.

”Should I stop?” Xiao Zhan asked.

”Never.” Yibo panted.

Xiao Zhan pinned him down at the hips and planted more kisses along his inner thigh and around his opening, slowly inching closer once more. The next thing Yibo knew, the sensation was back, enclosing him, sucking on his rim, licking it thoroughly, prodding it gently, probing it eagerly as Xiao Zhan’s hands touched him everywhere else, driving Yibo to the edges of pleasure.

Yibo was so lost in the overwhelming feelings that he didn't realize when Xiao Zhan had brought out the lube and coated his fingers. His moaning grew louder when the tongue gave way to a tentative finger that entered him carefully.

”You’re opening up easily,” Xiao Zhan threw Yibo a surprised look. 

”Not my first time,” Yibo managed to mutter as another finger entered him and began scissoring him open.

”What?” In a flash, Xiao Zhan was looming over him, his fingers working furiously.

”I…touch myself…a lot,” Yibo blushed hard as Xiao Zhan fingered him at a faster pace.

Xiao Zhan inserted a third finger into him and felt a shiver run down his spine when he felt how open, warm, and inviting he was. He pulled his fingers out, unable to hold himself back any longer, and lined himself up with Yibo’s opening. Slowly, he began entering Yibo who threw his head back and let out a long drawn out groan.

When Xiao Zhan finally bottomed out, he leaned forward and angled himself until he felt like he was embedded deep inside him and all he could feel was Yibo all around him.

”Fuck…you feel so good…” Xiao Zhan moved slowly and moaned when he felt Yibo’s tightness engulf him.

”You feel good inside me too,” Yibo gulped and breathed heavily as Xiao Zhan began thrusting into him. “So good, ge…”

From then on, Xiao Zhan kept his lips sealed on Yibo as they moved as one. He thrust into Yibo harder and faster as the night progressed, pushing all his thoughts aside and shoving all his worries away. He let Yibo overtake all his senses and latched onto every second, burning it in his memory for eternity. He never wanted to forget any of it - how soft Yibo’s skin felt in his hands, how damp his body was under his lips, how he smelled of his perfume and sex and something that was only Yibo, how he sounded each time Xiao Zhan knead into him.

Yibo moved in rhythm with Xiao Zhan, his fingers clawing all over his body. His mind and heart filled with all kinds of thoughts of his past, present, and future with Xiao Zhan as his body melded with his. He wanted to remember every feeling, every emotion, every moment - how safe and secure he felt in his arms, how Xiao Zhan’s heart raced as he ran his fingers over his chest and massaged into the toned muscles, how he smelled like something Yibo could never quite put his finger on but had now become familiar enough to remind him of only him, how he sounded as he pound into Yibo letting himself lose.

Seconds turned into minutes and time flew past them as they lost themselves in each other’s bodies. Finally, when Xiao Zhan plunged into his spot over and over again countless times, Yibo’s eyes shut tight and everything went red then black. Xiao Zhan fucked him through his climax, wringing it for all it was worth and followed him soon after. He came with a loud groan and fell forward, seeking Yibo’s lips.

They kissed and trembled through their orgasms together until their bodies eventually collapsed into each other’s arms with exhaustion. Before either could speak again, their eyes drooped and the silence of the night lulled them to sleep.

* * *

When Xiao Zhan’s eyes opened, he could tell the sun was about to start its rise. He looked down at Yibo who was resting against his chest, huddled close to him, sleeping in his arms. He let his head fall back into the pillow with a long sigh and pinched his eyebrow.

”Good morning,” Yibo’s small voice spoke suddenly. 

”Oh! You’re up?” Xiao Zhan cleared his throat. “Good…good morning.”

Yibo tilted his face up and looked at him. They stared at each other quietly for several seconds.

”You…do you,” Yibo began, the uncertainty clear in his voice, “...so you still…”

”I told you this wouldn't change anything,” Xiao Zhan replied quietly.

”But…you…I know that you-”

”That doesn’t matter, Yibo,” Xiao Zhan sighed and sat up, forcing Yibo to sit up as well. “I told you…”

Yibo clutched the bedsheet and watched as Xiao Zhan stood up and began walking away. Before he knew what he was doing, he reached out and grabbed him by the hand to stop him.

”I know you, ge…I know you…” Yibo pleaded. “This isn't you.”

”I told you, Yibo,” Xiao Zhan peeled his hand off. “I’m not as strong as you think. I’ll drop you home.”

With those words, Xiao Zhan disappeared into the bathroom, leaving behind a discomposed Yibo. He shut the door behind him and immediately let out a shaky breath. Xiao Zhan hugged himself and clamped one hand on his mouth to silence the whimper that escaped it as hot tears slid down his cheeks.

He hurriedly wiped his cheeks and then flushed his eyes dry by rubbing them repeatedly as he stood under the shower for a good few minutes. When he was done, he wrapped a towel around his waist and with a long, deep breath readied himself to face Yibo again. He turned the bathroom door knob and stepped out, carefully fixing his expression first.

”I’m done with the bathroom…you can freshen up if you wan-” Xiao Zhan stopped mid-sentence as he looked around at the empty room. “Yibo?” He called out and walked outside the bedroom.

But Yibo was nowhere in the apartment. Xiao Zhan panicked and looked around desperately, but Yibo was gone. He rushed into the bedroom and grabbed his phone and dialled Yibo immediately but the call was cut almost immediately. On the fifth try, the phone had been shut off.

Xiao Zhan sank to the floor by the bed and ran a hand through his wet hair, grabbing at it in an attempt to stop his head from spinning more. He punched the carpeted floor angrily as it began sinking in just what had happened, just what he had done. His knuckle hit something hard and a shiny object caught his attention. It was Yibo’s watch. And he had accidentally smashed it.

* * *

Yibo wiped his tears for the umpteenth time as he finally put on some clothes after the long hot shower. He slid down onto the couch and browsed through the channels mindlessly as he tried to distract himself from everything that had happened and more importantly, from his phone.

It didn't help that he could still feel the lingering warmth from having Xiao Zhan kiss him everywhere, that he could still feel the pressure from his touches and bites and grips, that he could still feel him inside him. He shook his head to dispel his thoughts and refocused on the random variety show playing on the TV screen.

Just as his mind was beginning to follow his instructions, his doorbell rang. Yibo frowned and groaned, completely disinterested in moving from his spot, let alone having to deal with whoever was at the door. He ignored it. But then it rang again, and again and again until a familiar voice called his name.

”Yibo? Are you in there?! I know you’re home! I can hear the TV!” Xiao Zhan’s voice exclaimed.

Yibo sat up abruptly and his heart pounded in his chest at the unexpected arrival. He walked towards the door but then paused then took a few more tentative steps then paused again, unable to make up his mind. Ultimately, Xiao Zhan’s persistent yelling forced his hand and he opened the door despite his unwillingness.

Xiao Zhan’s voice shut down as soon as the door flung open and they stared at each other in silence.

”Can I come in?” Xiao Zhan broke the silence finally.

”Why? You made yourself pretty clear earlier.”

”Please.”

Yibo stared at Xiao Zhan for a few moments, contemplating his next move. In the end, he opened the door wider and made way for him to enter. Xiao Zhan nodded and walked in quietly into the apartment he had only visited once before.

”You forgot your watch…” Xiao Zhan reached for the item in his pocket and held out the ziplock bag for Yibo to see. “But it’s…I accidentally…smashed it.”

”That’s not the only thing you smashed today,” Yibo muttered under his breath and ignored the bag, refusing to take it back.

”I’m sorry,” Xiao Zhan whispered as he looked at Yibo’s poker face.

”It’s fine. It’s not like you didn't warn me.”

”No…it’s not fine. And I wasn't completely honest.” Xiao Zhan took a deep breath and a few steps closer to Yibo who didn't budge or change his expression.

”I…I…” He fumbled for words.

”I get it…” Yibo crossed his arms across his chest and shrugged, “you feel something too but don't want to do anything about it…it’s not worth it to you.”

”I was an asshole.”

”Guess this is the real world after all,” Yibo muttered.

”I just…” Xiao Zhan ran a hand through his hair, “I just wanted to say sorry in person and…and…” he fumbled for words yet again.

”It’s okay, ge…” Yibo looks down at his feet and both their words fizzle out.

”I should go,” Xiao Zhan let out a resigned sigh eventually. 

”Okay.” Yibo nodded.

As Xiao Zhan walked to the door and placed a hand on the knob, he paused for a moment.

 _Don’t turn around. If you turn around now, you won’t be able to stop yourself. You’ll give in. You’ll give him everything he wants. Everything you want._ Xiao Zhan firmed his resolve and turned the knob, pulling the door open.

 _Turn around. If you turn around now, I won't let you go. We could have everything I know we both want. If only you could turn around now._ Yibo held his breath and waited, hoping against hope.

Xiao Zhan stepped out of the apartment and closed the door behind him.

* * *

Yibo yawned as he stepped out of the lift and walked to his apartment, lugging his suitcase behind him. He was finally back home after weeks of shooting on location for Legend of Fei. He lifted his arm up to check the time on the watch on his wrist.

His breath still hitched a little every time he checked the time on it. It was the same watch that he had forgotten at Xiao Zhan’s place that fateful night, a few months back. He hadn’t bothered to take it back from him when he brought the broken pieces to him the next morning. But two weeks later, he had received a delivery - the same watch, repaired - without a note, not even a short scribble.

As he turned the corner that led to his apartment, he froze mid-step. A few feet away, pacing back and forth in front of his door, was a familiar tall, lean figure.

_Zhan-ge._

As if hearing his thought, the person paused their frantic pacing and looked his way. Yibo kept walking slowly towards the door, stopping a few steps from it. Just as Yibo opened his mouth to say something, Xiao Zhan closed the gap between them and held his hand out towards Yibo.

”This note was supposed to come with the watch.”

Yibo let go of his suitcase and took the note silently, unable to process the present situation. He unfolded the note and managed to drag his eyes off the beautiful man in front of him who he had missed sorely for the last few months to the crumpled piece of paper.

_I think broken things are sometimes more beautiful. They hold memories. I hope you think so too._

”I know it probably wasn't a good memory. So I didn't send the note. But I see you think so too,” Xiao Zhan began softly as he eyed the watch on Yibo’s wrist.

”Ge, I-”

”I think.” Xiao Zhan interrupted him abruptly. “That’s what I do. That’s how I do things. I think. But now I know I thought too much. Now I know that’s not how I should have done this. Not everything can be done by thinking. Some things…you just have to do.” 

”Ge, we-”

”I’m sorry!” Xiao Zhan exclaimed and rambled on. “I’m sorry it took me this long to get out of my head and to listen to my heart but that’s what I’m doing…now…here. I can’t do it any more…living without you. I don't want to.”

”Ge, we should go inside and talk,” Yibo rushed to fill in the momentary silence Xiao Zhan had allowed to seep in.

”Oh…okay,” Xiao Zhan looked around at the corridor they were in, “yeah…”

When they were inside, Xiao Zhan stood by the shoe rack, unsure and uncertain. Yibo leaned back against dining table and watched him silently.

”You have every right to be mad at me, to not care what I say anymore, to not want anything to do with me,” Xiao Zhan hung his head and sighed. “I-”

Xiao Zhan’s next words were muffled when a pair of lips found his and enveloped them gently. His eyes widened when he realized that Yibo was now kissing him. When the short and quick kiss ended, Xiao Zhan felt his breath catch.

”How…why…why did you…I thought you wouldn't forgive me.” Xiao Zhan stuttered.

”Why did you fix my watch?” Yibo interrupted.

”Huh?”

”Why?”

”Because…it was your favorite watch…and I broke it accidentally…and we shouldn't just throw things away because they are broken…especially when they mean something and can be repaired with some efforts,” Xiao Zhan shrugged.

”Exactly.” Yibo whispered with a smile and placed a kiss on Xiao Zhan’s mole. “Exactly.”

A slow smile spread across Xiao Zhan’s face as the meaning sank in. He cupped Yibo’s cheeks in his hand and this time, he didn't fumble for the right words.

”I love you, Wang Yibo," tears slid down his face as he leaned in planted a kiss on Yibo's cheek. "I always have and I always will.”

”I love you too, ge,” Yibo’s eyes welled up and his nose turned red. “I love you too.”


End file.
